Dear Every Other Ad For a Shared House:

“Seeking a [insert binary gender here] roommate to ‘keep the balance’.”


Is the house usually one half people who prefer cake and the other folks born between Monday and Thursday? Did the person leaving *not* wear hats? If they were a water sign will my being a Capricorn destabilize this “balance” you speak of? Inquiring hippies want to know!

Are two of the bedrooms pink and the others blue and do the occupants to which said colours correspond change arbitrarily every hundred years or so?*

If I ask precisely what you mean by “balance” and your answer inevitably contains gender essentialist babble about masculine and feminine “energies,” how many uhh’s and umm’s can I expect when I follow up by asking whether your ad was intended specifically to exclude non-binary candidates?

K thx.




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